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When I first met my husband and we did all the small talk over food I can’t remember now, in a restaurant that has long ceased to exist, I told him I was a writer. I wasn’t working primarily in writing at the time. I was new as a marketing entrepreneur and quite insecure about my chances of economic survival, but somewhere deep in the recesses of my soul, I was a writer.
I had been divorced from my first husband for a year-ish, I had three small children, the economy was in a tailspin, and I had this new idea that I could use story to help companies and nonprofits build awareness and reach and attract business. It wasn’t yet proven, so I didn’t know if it had legs, but I put on a really good face.
By then, we’re talking the end of 2009, I was the author of six books, all with small publishers who believed in my writing and my work, and I defined myself as a writer. I even had an MFA and taught college writing classes. And I’d been a journalist for 15 years, with hundreds of articles to my name. But I didn’t really believe that I was a writer. Not deep down. No one was pulling my books off the shelf, except for the hardcover Hide and Seek: Jewish women and hair covering, and the people reading that were the ones who stopped being my friends when I left Orthodoxy, so what did it matter?
Still, I told Dan that I was a writer, and he believed me. In fact, when he told other people about this woman he was dating, he always described me as a writer.
As we got to know each other better, and as we fell in love, I confided, “I say I’m a writer, but I don’t know. I mean, yes, I love writing, and I am good at it, but it’s not what I do every day. It’s not how I earn money.”
He’d shrug and say, “It doesn’t matter. That’s how I see you.”
The big challenge was seeing myself that way.
I teach a lot of writing classes (and in fact, if you want to gift the writer in your life one of my classes in 2024, on WritingWorkshops.com, use the code WRITEWITHLYNNE for 15% off. Find all my WritingWorkshops classes here).
And in those classes, while I am yes, teaching the craft of putting sentences and paragraphs together, what I am really often teaching is self-belief.
Confidence. Leading writers, often women at midlife, into this notion that in fact, they can call themselves WRITER and believe it. Step into the identity. Inhabit it fully instead of just wishing it true.
No one is going to tell you to be a writer or that you’re any good. Only you can do that. And if it bubbles up from the depths of your being, if it’s what you must do, what you love to do, then only you can gather the courage and shove every other demand to the side, and sit down and write.
Last week, my first mother-in-law passed away. She was an incredible woman who was a technical writer in her career and left a legacy of 21 grandchildren and more than 22 great-grandchildren, all of whom walked different paths and yet she loved them, deeply and fully, baking for them, taking them shopping, showing love in her smile, in her presence.
We get one life, you guys. Maybe more if you’re all spiritual and stuff, and I do think the soul comes back again and again, but in different forms and for different purposes, so let’s just say you get one go at THIS time around in this body with this talent. So what’s it going to amount to?
I have this obsession with purpose and meaning, so I want to make sure my days count. I’m going to give this writing thing my all because what other choice is there? I have to believe that if I pour my heart onto the page, it will pay off. I have to believe that I can do this because it comes from somewhere deep, it’s always been there, it’s who I am.
And it’s who I want to be.
If any of this feels familiar, don’t wait any longer. You never know how long you’ll have. Just sit down and write. Make it a priority. Make it an undercurrent of your life. You don’t want to end up on the last day wishing you’d done it differently.
End of year writing prompt
In the waning days of 2023, even in the cold and dark, get outside and notice. Write about what the trees are saying in the quiet. Write about the footprints in the snow. Or if you’re lucky enough to live somewhere not-cold, look for the footprints in the mud, dirt, sand. Write about what you see - and what you don’t see, but what you know.
Tips for Making 2024 Your Best Writing Year Yet
Great writing doesn’t just happen. Even bad writing doesn’t just happen. You have to set yourself up to write, and to succeed with it. So as we approach a new year, why not make some plans to get there? Hopefully these tips help.
Set time-bound, specific, measurable goals. In 2024, I’d like to publish 10 creative nonfiction essays and novel #2. That means I have to write at least 10 essays and submit them to the right publications. Think I’ll get there? The last time I set a similar goal, it was 9 essays for the calendar year. I got 12 accepted by literary journals and magazines. As for the book, it’s already done and the meeting with the cover designers is set for January, so yeah, I’m on the way. I think I’ll start mapping out novel #3 in the meantime.
Write every day. Or at least, 5 days a week. When I was in grad school for poetry, I scoffed at the idea that you had to write every day. But then, I was in my 20s, so I thought I knew everything. Now in my 50s, I’ve learned that a daily habit helps achieve completed work that is publishable. I write 5 days a week, 3-4 hours a day. When I don’t do that, my writing is erratic, and unfinished. I don’t write 7 days a week because, well, burnout. I take Saturdays off. I devote Sundays to submissions. Create a schedule. And stick to it. (And you don’t have to start with hours on end. Do 15 minutes. Before long, you’ll want to make it longer.)
Find a writing buddy. Meet on Zoom or in a cafe to write with someone else. Join a class. Find a writers group that meets monthly and where you can submit your work. Be accountable to your goal to write with someone else who will motivate you! You’re less likely to cancel on other people than yourself anyway. (What is that about?)
Tell everyone what you’re doing. When I say that my second novel is done and due out in 2024, people are going to ask me about it. So I can’t delay. I can’t double-back and decide it’s crap. Or if it is, I have to clean it up fast and get it out. Because what you speak aloud becomes true. Other people are interested, invested, and that is worth following through on! For that matter, start calling yourself a writer, an author, when you meet new people. The more you say it, the more you will believe it.
Read. A lot. Great writers are always reading. Their genre, other genres, periodicals and books, websites and more. Because you have to see how other people do it, to understand what you like, what you don’t and why, and how to improve your writing so it is ever more beautiful.
Find a critique partner. Someone regular you can send writing to and who will send theirs to you. Not someone who says, “It’s great. Well done! No changes needed.” Someone who will say, “I loved this and this and this, BUT…here’s where you can strengthen, improve, expand.” Honest and kind, great critique partner attributes.
Reward yourself. Self-belief isn’t a straight and easy road. It is winding and it takes sharp turns and sometimes you crash. When you write 5 days in one week, go buy the candle you want at the cute boutique even though it’s expensive. And light it when you write to remind yourself that you are worth it.
Be fully who you are. And if you don’t know who that is, find out. Knowing who you are and what you value is essential to finding your writing voice. We just finished Chanukah, and I have to say that this year, more than ever before, I have felt fierce about being a Jewish writer. I filled the 8 days of Chanukah with joy, light and connection, which not only invigorated and affirmed my identity - it cemented who I am in the world. People respond to a strong identity. Inhabit yours.
The Rebel Author Newsletter will take a break for the holidays and resume January 8th! Happy new year to you all. (Reminder that you can get 20% off as a paid subscriber if you level up before the end of 2023. Click here to do it. And thanks.)
Love & all the things, Lynne
Go for it, you’ve got at least two fans already!
That's really neat about your first MIL, who was a technical writer. I have a cousin who is a technical writer. He lives in Seattle and freelances and does all sorts of work for the big tech companies out there. You have to be cerebral to do that kind of work. I try to encourage my cousin to get in touch with his creative side, but he doesn't seem to want to.
I'd like to read your head covering book. I'm fascinated by the concept of head coverings. St. Paul talks about it in 1 Corinthians. He was probably trying to apply an Orthodox Jewish principal to non-Jews. Amish and Mennonites cover their hair, but not too many others.