Putting Me (or You) First
Humans have the opportunity to start over every day. But do we recognize what a gift that is? And even more, do we make the most of it?
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“Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”
“It’s you, Mom.”
Could be any of my children responding, or my husband, or whoever is in the room with me. I thought I would avoid the pre-menopausal hot flashes that so many women curse, but I have not been that lucky. They come over me in an instant, a surge of heat, my skin clammy and warm, and then after 2 or 3 minutes, I’m back to a regular temperature. It’s most unfortunate, and definitely unpleasant.
So on the drive home from Thanksgiving, I googled “natural remedies for hot flashes,” and found the answer not surprising. Whether or not any of them work remains to be seen, but the list included exercise, weight loss, better sleep, stress reduction, a diet that focuses on plants and lean proteins and good grains. All things I would be wise to include in my life anyway.
Every so often I have this conversation with myself about what I want from my life, and how I can achieve it. And in this last month of 2023, the conversation is loud and clear. I want better health and a fitter form and well-being as my priority, which means exercise not because I have to, but because I want to move my body, see friends, enjoy the outdoors and sports and activities that I enjoy.
It means putting writing front-and-center, which I did for several years but since the publication of WOMAN OF VALOR, my novel that debuted in September, I have been focused more on the business than the writing. (Hey have you bought the book yet? If not, what are you waiting for? Great holiday gift!!)
It means living more frugally, so money doesn’t have such a hold over me. Sleeping better. Connecting with friends. Taking stock of what matters, and letting go of what doesn’t.
I read two articles recently about how to achieve real happiness and how having an accountability partner increases one’s chances of achieving a desired goal.
One US study found that you have a 65% chance of completing a goal if you tell someone else you’re committing to doing it. And if you have specific check-ins with a partner, your chance of success increases to 95%.
One article mentioned ritualized intimacy. “There’s a huge element here around social connection and shared experience. Having a buddy you check in with at regular times to share your progress can make such a difference, not just to your goals but to your wellbeing.”
I have an accountability partner once a week for exercise, and now I am publicizing my goals with all of you - so I am ever more accountable!
The first thing I did when we got home from the long drive was to outline my goals for the year to come. Among them were publishing my next novel and beginning to write the next one after that. Also, writing more creative nonfiction essays and publishing at least 10 in the year to come. (Specific, measurable, time-bound goals have the best chance of coming true!)
But also, protecting my voice, promoting my books, and becoming ok with working less and having fewer clients.
What would make you happiest in 2024? And how might you go about making it happen?
I think I get so focused on the need to produce and the desire for validation that I forget what matters to me. Or what I am here to do.
And so it’s good to remember every so often that I have choices. That I don’t have to be a rat in a race. Yes, it’s scary to take a different path, but not listening to your gut can be even scarier.
Accountability Opportunities
I offer two programs for writers that have built-in accountability and encouragement, The Accountability Cohort and The Writers Community.
The Accountability Cohort is a weekly Zoom to write in community. It includes meditation for writers, writing prompts and fellow writers who are there to support, encourage and hold you to your goals. There are spots open, for anyone interested!
The Writers Community is an intimate collective of writers at a point in their craft and career where they want feedback on their work along with accountability and support. A limited number is accepted, and we have just one spot left. Details are here. Email me if you’d like to apply!
Finding the Best Publishing Path for Your Book
Thanks to Brenda Meller for inviting me onto her LinkedIn Live series recently, to talk about finding the best publishing path for your book. Watch it below!
As always, thanks for reading. Next week, I’ll be sharing some insights from one of my favorite authors, Diana Gabaldon, who wrote the Outlander series. In the meantime, be brave and listen to your inner voice.
Love, Lynne