How Can I Write About Something I Haven't Quite Figured Out?
A conversation with my daughter about body image.
Congratulations to Brenda Blue, the winner of the May book giveaway for paid subscribers! She is the lucky recipient of Annie Cathryn’s superb novel, The Friendship Breakup. And Annie happens to be the most recent guest author on The Make Meaning Podcast - listen to the June 23rd episode with Annie here or anywhere you find podcasts!.
There’s still a few days left to take advantage of my birthday month discount and become a paid subscriber! In fact, this afternoon, we have our bimonthly subscriber Q&A on Zoom, so if you subscribe now, you’ll be invited to join.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves May Be Lies
The other day, my daughter and I were walking through the neighborhood in a 3-mile loop early in the morning. The sky was light and hazy. Squirrels skittered across the street. Too many birds were singing in all the trees.
“I’ve never really liked my body,” I admitted.
I thought back to my teens and twenties, when I was skinny and my hair was thick and long. I didn’t love myself then.
And I thought about when I had my babies, and my hair was thick and long, and my body changed, yes, but it shrank back to what it had been before, albeit a bit different, and I was bustling and hustling to cart around these three little ones, which surely helped me sweat off all the pounds, and I was not convinced then that I was beautiful.
And now, at midlife, I still can’t see it. I only see the flaws. And my daughter, who is gorgeous and beautiful and an incredible person, has trouble seeing how lovely she is.
What the actual heck?
(By the way, if you want to read a great Substack about body positivity and accepting yourself as you are, check out Burnt Toast by Virginia Sole Smith.)
“Don’t you see that so many people are attracted to you, Mom?” my daughter said.
My heart melted. “I guess I am always surprised,” I replied.
This is not a new conversation, and it troubled me to realize that all my life, it’s been the same boring, lying trope, the same pessimism, the same self-critique. And that I am not the only woman in the world who does this. And that society has set us up to strive for a beauty ideal that is a lie, and unattainable, and has nothing to do with what really makes a person beautiful.
I’ve tried to write about this a bunch of times, and the essays never work. I think because I don’t yet have a transformation or story arc. I have anger. I have anecdotes. I have specific, vivid details. But I don’t have a change from the beginning of the story to the end.
And that’s essential for a successful story.
It’s a really good story, I think. It’s important to write about. So many people will be able to relate.
But if the story isn’t going somewhere, if there isn’t redemption, if there isn’t a turned-page, a new leaf, an a-ha moment, it’s not yet a story worth publishing. So I guess I need to do the actual work to love myself in real time before I can write about it.
Congratulations to our June book giveaway winner!
Laura Johnson, a lovely writer and paid subscriber, is the June winner of the book giveaway! Laura will be receiving The Fair Botanists by Sara Sheridan. Thanks so much for being a paid subscriber, Laura!
Until June 30th, you can become a paid subscriber of the Rebel Author Newsletter and qualify to win monthly book giveaways and be invited to bimonthly live Zooms where we talk about writing craft and career. You’ll also receive 10% off all programs, retreats and coaching packages with me in perpetuity!
Heading to Nova Scotia
I can’t believe it’s almost time to hit the road to drive north and east to Nova Scotia for the month of July! I leave July 1st and will spend the entire month on a writing sabbatical, with the last week devoted to hosting a Writers Retreat. (I offer 2 writers retreats each year - one always on Mackinac Island in September (we have 2 spots left - let me know if you’d like to apply for one!) and another somewhere incredible in the world. In 2024, it’ll be the Redwoods of Northern California. This year, it’s Nova Scotia, and we are SOLD OUT!
Wish me luck as I drive north to Quebec City, through Fredericton, New Brunswick, spend five days jamming to ceilidh music and hiking on Cape Breton and ultimately land in Lunenburg, Nova Scotia, an hour south of Halifax. I’ll be meeting writers along the way! Stay tuned for stories from my travels and focused days of writing.
Happy writing, and all love, Lynne